VOTE QUILTOCRATIC

"Twenty-two million quilters are waiting on the edges of their seats for the candidate brave enough to step forward and address these important issues:

• I'm sure you've heard of the No Child Left Behind Act, but where are the cries of "No Quilter Left Behind?" Do the candidates not understand that 22 million votes could put them over the top? And how could they forget that most of these quilters are married and could possibly have some influence on their spouses?
• I expect to hear soon about the proposed Conservation Reserve Program (CRP) for persons collecting and preserving precious cotton prints. Through the CRP, every quilter would be asked to weigh his or her current stash and would be generously compensated for not using the fabrics in said stash to make quilts, but instead buying new fabrics to continue their craft. Not only will this stimulate the economy, but the added insulation of accumulated and constantly replenished stashes will keep 22 million homes warm in the winter and cool in the summer.
• Where is the depletion allowance for those of us forced to use discontinued and soon-to-be-rare fabrics in our quilt projects? These fabrics cannot be replaced, yet we soldier on, making warm blankets for the homeless, for wounded veterans, and for the otherwise unfortunate to keep them warm in the coming ice age. We are being very brave to use these irreplaceable fabrics, and the government should compensate us for the goodness in our hearts, whether we need it or not.
• Remember Herbert Hoover's 1928 campaign promise of a chicken in every pot and a car in every garage? Where are the demands for a quilt on every bed? It is a well-known fact that adding a quilt to every bed in America, and, at the same time, turning all those thermostats down five degrees in the winter, will significantly reduce our carbon footprint on the Earth.
• Which candidate will require every school system to hook students - the younger, the better - on quilting so they will be inclined to stay home and stitch instead of running around from mall to mall in gas-guzzling SUVs, burning up the nation's fuel supply?
• We need low-interest government loans to study quilting and quilt history and to buy the materials and equipment required for such a worthwhile pursuit to carry on the traditions of our forefathers' mothers. What could be more patriotic than that?
• Is there a candidate in the 2008 presidential race who will propose a Manhattan Project-like, top-secret, fully funded research program to find the lightweight, energy-efficient, endless-bobbin sewing machine with a perfect laser-guided 1/4" seam?

When the Quiltocratic Party emerges, I'll vote straight ticket. How long must we wait for that party to begin?"

(Taken from John Flynn's article in Quilters Newsletter, issue 403)